so i've found an article that explains the difference between why guys experience SSA and why girls do.

While many of the developmental problems associated with SSA and homosexuality are similar in both men and women, the actual sexual dynamics are not. Their issues separate when sexual motivations and desires begin to become a part of interpersonal relationships (usually around puberty.) Expression of sexuality is determined by the basic differences in the sexual drives of men and women. Males who struggle with SSA are generally motivated and attracted by physical attributes and/or immediate excitement and physical gratification. Women, on the other hand, are usually attracted by a need to nurture or be nurtured. Women can become involved in a relationship, in which SSA becomes apparent, when she perceives an unfulfilled need in another woman, or sees another woman as someone who can fulfill her own needs for nurturing. (http://evergreeninternational.org/female_ssa.htm)

this is so terribly true for me. many of the girls i have been attracted to have a need that i feel i can fill. it's like i understand a major part of their lives that most people just don't get or that i think i can treat them better than the significant other before me. or because i'm more masculine that i can be chivalrous or something like that.

there is something that comes to mind that i have felt i was deprived of and have found in my "girlfriends" growing up my family was and still isn't very touchy feely. in fact they are not at all. sometimes i would just hug my mom and she would think that there was something i wanted. or i would hug my dad and he would ask me what's wrong. i used to have a HUGE personal bubble before going to college. and it was quickly broken down by my circle of friends that i found there. coming home was always hard after a while because i wouldn't have a whole lot of physical touch like i was used to.

it's not that it was that a girl would be physically close to me that would start the attraction but that girls just seem like the only ones that would be. i always manage to be "the friend" when it came to guys. no guy wants a girlfriend that is "one of the boys" .....

the physical part is not the only "need" i would fill with my attraction to girls. this next thing is much more important to me than anything physical. i have fully been attracted to girls that have not become physically comfortable with me. i like to talk about things in depth and analyze things to a ridiculous level sometimes and i rarely find guys that i can really connect to on that level that aren't 1. gay or 2. taken. and if they aren't gay or taken i manage to become the friend... and then they call me to help change a tire or to borrow a pair of pliers.

i've become disinterested in girls because of the lack of my kind of conversation too.